Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program
Late-night's leading hosts devoted their airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.
Colbert's Pointed Spin
Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys everything he touches."
The focus was the new program that permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."
"A quick note for you to rich applicants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He explained that the card is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.
"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."
"It's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.
Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.